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A new day, a new chance to make something substantial

5 Jun

In the last two days I’d been writing about motivational stuff concerning me and my current works. And you know what? I logged off from social networks again yesterday. Not so big deal, but I even couldn’t catch up what I did that in shortest period of time even didn’t thinking about it. Automatically, I just sent a message to one of my internet folks ‘The last three on the island’. Actually, it was my last session at least in this week and may be more. I do not want to say exactly that I logged off from the universe and don’t want come back anymore, but anyway that was I need to take step action in the last three days.

As you know I created an account on Medium. These guys turn on a possibility to write our own stuff in view of posts finally. And I posted one stuff so far. Here’s the link. In this month I will do my best to keep learn my languages and to promulgate (as a usual) about my days and thoughts, what I’m doing, why I’m doing this etc. etc. and trying to learn exams’ ticket before the exams itself even in four or five days earlier than event coming evening. If you’re understood what I wanted to jabber. Okay, and I ended up with conclusion that my ‘annoying’ voice that why I cannot do that question wasn’t coincidentally. I think that I give up my ‘hard-earn’ minutes and my current hours are so easy to live on. Actually. I cancelled all my programming and language courses by the reason of final tests and exams at the university.

Image representing Blogger as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

Okay, a little bit about posted notes on Blogger and why I was so touchable and naive in my thinking? The answer to this question is: I was totally drunk. Yeah, and as you know again: Talk is cheap, silence is expensive. But I had to post them even on my blogs. So and so. I started to follow each re-blogged my following users reblogs on Tumblr. Again, I do not know why, but I think it’s all about marketing techniques by feedbacks and likes when users with ‘low high’ followers will come back to check your account and if so to follow you and start to reat what are you sharing and posting. Let’s be honest, why we are doing it actually? Of course not only to look at nice looking photograped by professional models, of course not&

So today I’ve plans to figure out why my cartridge printing on A4 with not equal lines of black-and-white. I’m getting to be nervous by seeing at them after printed papers of my pdf’s books on computer. Yeah, it’s very and very annoying to see ‘shit’ looking learn stuff.

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Just having another person around is really nice, though, BUT.

19 May

I’ve always been afraid of sharing space with other people. I almost thought of dropping out of university if I had to share a room. And when I was living in the dorm mostly I had been dreaming the day where I’m moving to separate room. Because I couldn’t dropped out because of it seems odd and still, that people around me would had been gossip that Albert dropped out because of he couldn’t live in the dormitory with other folks. In my environ at that time it was sounds like ‘that he’d failed to live with other equal guys because of he’d acting like a flabby, or even was a flabby, characterless young man. I didn’t want to be amoung these gossipness about me in mouth of absolutely unknown for me people. I didn’t care, but my parents really care about it, and I understand them 🙂 Thanks to my parents that supported me at that time with blessings and with life’s advices how to interact with people than couldn’t understand you inner world.

photo of Paul Graham

photo of Paul Graham (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

‘Planning,’ I say, ‘makes sense when you’re solving a predefined problem or working for somebody who is defining the problem for you. But it doesn’t make sense when you’re hacking. When you’re hacking, as Paul Graham likes to note, you’re actually figuring out what the problem is, exploring the problem space. It’s through writing the code that you figure out what the code should do. You can’t plan that.’

I, meanwhile, have been struggling with my own demons — mainly procrastination. Programming is an odd task in that it requires so much mental discipline that your mind is often afraid of doing it. Worse still is the fact that it happens at a computer, usually one with an Internet connection, so there’s hardly any visible difference between actually doing your work and running off to check your email or read the news. It’s incredibly frustrating to snap out of a bit of newsreading and realize you just wasted a couple of hours.

What had changed so far?

19 May
Photos from the 23c3 in Berlin, Germany.

Photos from the 23c3 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The 3 last post was tagged as a ‘copy-and-paste‘ and the statistics started to decrease my readers at once. I paused a little bit because of I was blamed by the facts that I’m loosing my good sense of writing. But all these stuff was just winter time of my learning time because today me and Anna had been walking to a bus stop directly when I had started to talk in English language and I felt more self-confidence to convince myself that I’m becoming more and more proud of my own ability to say something what I want to say in the English language. That’s spring time of my exquisitely painful learning process that I started a couple years ago. The matter is to jungly with more colourful words by using more ‘absolute’ techniques by others, I mean by environ. And this experience as I hope will help me to do the same to learning other languages.

I really advice you to start read here. By clickin’ through the pasted link you’ll find an archive of Aaron‘s raw thoughts that I copied as a headline on this blog. Thanks Aaron, R.I.P. But the other side of question is I found this link when I had been scrolling my newsfeed (I do not know how to spell it correctly, anyway) on G+ that was shared by one of the admired by me folks programmers. After when I clicked on in I was very surprised badly that in the beginning of the post the guy whose name is Edmond ‘copied-and-pasted’ almost whole passages from the post of Aaron. I mean the text about ‘social science experiment’ by psychologist Carol Dweck. If I’m not mistaken of coures, and I posted the next comment below to the post:

“The most part of your thoughts I was reading on the blog of Aaron Swartz and others, but I subscribed in the hope that the future ideas will be really worth to clicking. A few words about shared links: a less more useful links, and most of by annoying amazon books that have to be paid to read. Anyway, the good idea that you started :)” – Thanks to DISQUS that build up an amazing comment framework.

Let’s keep our discussion about the article. It’s really good idea to gather all useful to be read information about engineering in the programming and to share with ideas of others that working on this field of Interet Technologies. I remember one late winter night a long time ago where I’d been programming many nights and reading about engineering folks and how these guys had learned to manage their time to be productive. So I thought that it would be not bad to share with the same info in the Russian language the problem was only to find those folks and I thought as well that it would be useful for me as a journalish and a programmer to make some connections and have some experiment how to interview in real life. (May be via the online too: e-mail, social networking sites, mailing lists etc etc. There are lots of techniques to connent with anyone instantly).

So the differense is between my and Edmond that he has a result excepting me. I can just talk about ‘what I would do in this situation’ comparing with Edmund that started to make, to do without any talking at all events with me. And he has result and I’m commenting and even subscribed to receive updates via e-mail. Nice have done buddy!

So add to these conclusions I have some news. I started to blog on wallmarkets.ru, and come back with my learning process of languages. I’m not frustrated by thinking that wasted so much time bwt these days. Not at all. I printed a new calendar, and some useful pages (fragments) from books that I’ve been reading and enjoying. Thank you guys, all these things are about to use more words  in my future posts to mark deepest side of my personification.

There isn’t any ‘waste of time’

10 May
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates at the fifth D: All ...

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates at the fifth D: All Things Digital conference (D5) in 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Time is priceless, and everyone knows it. The main thing, may be not the most but one of those is to remember ‘what we’re doing on earth’ are important aspects to our current days. It doesn’t matter lying on the bad all day long or working like a slave to have finish on in what we’re doing harder than before. It doesn’t matter. If we’re doing it conscieuosly, we do. And I’m saying to myself not to be the greatest of the greatest in every field of business, but just do what I want to do. This fact of life is patiently obvious. You know it.

Pity, miserable, nothing worth having comes easy. In the school I wanted to be a programmer, and I attented the university where I had been learning programming, but mostly it was a math, clear math and I couldn’t find a solution to ‘matrix’ and smth. And in the middle of semester I kicked ass of one guy that I hated, so after this I dropped out, because I couldn’t go after this, I was miserable, I was living in the home of aunt and all day long I was sitting in the library and reading books about PHP, HTML+CSS instead of going to university and my aunt and even parents didn’t know about it. It were pity days, I agree. After this ‘situations’ I came to conclusion that I can be programmer without any formal education, or even diploma so I decided to tell about it and I moved to the village and was reading all the time as well to keep my self-education in high position as long as I could. It was fail, I know. Next year I decided that I wanted to be ‘journalist’. Before go to programming stuff I knew what I need to do in my life, there was programming and journalism, and to my mind  how I guessed I had thought that it’s more important to have diploma in order to be a programmer than a journalist, in my case the situation was absolutely Z-A, than A-Z how it has to be in normal people.

Then I attented to the journalist department and I like it so far. And I’m programming. So in the freshman year I wanted to be fluent in the English language, because at that time I was ‘stupid’ guy in the group so others laughed at my pronunciation and something. It was normal, and this fact couraged me to keep my learning process all day long, and many nights. Thanks to my groupmates. And I was programming but the whole stuff was annoying, I couldn’t concentrate and my project of local ‘Associated Press‘ was cancelled by dean to franchise and to support. It was fail again. We were living in the dormitory and drinking all nights but I was learning like any freshmans and I liked these days. So then I wanted to learn other foreign languages and I started to learn them. But I failed to study Japanese, I was embarrased that if I started I have to do it much harder that it was with English language, because Japanese was absolutely new place to turn around. So I gave up. At that time I was kind of learning three major Asian languages. That was hard, and it is so far.

In childhood I wanted to be writer, so I started to wrote little storytellings. And then came social networking and I started to spam my ‘online’ friends to sending them my piece of ‘masterpieces’. And I started to read everything about ‘computer nerds’, ‘talented programmers‘, biographies of ‘CEO’s corporations’, everything about Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. And I thought that the next big thing will be my own product. I started to programming on PHP some ugly codes and all my intentions was failed in front of ‘reality’. Because RDF wasn’t mine ‘worth to having charisma’, I was ordinary student with ordinary feelings and intentions. I was just thinking about it, not doing. And I’m doing the same for now. So nothing changed from that times. But the future is long, and will see.

Then I found a few really brilliant guys in back of CEO’s and engineers that kept a blog and shared ideas about internet and techonology at whole. That was really brilliant guys but these guys weren’t popular or something than Steve or Bill.

I will update it if I need to.

& Related articles

I’m plagiarist

3 May

I feel like I’m wasting time, it’s day that I should to start change something else, one of these days I will want to be alone, but when?? A lack of care, a lack of attention to details, and there are many stories inside of us actually. And day by day I’m asking the same questions raised in my mind a long time ago. I’m deeply upset and angry to myself. It doesn’t matter, in a way, whether all of these emotions were the result of real interactions or of fantasty, I experienced them fully, I’m trying to do the best I can but I can’t so far to do my best, I’m feeling it.

I was stealing all these sentences from nytimes.com

I can’t believed it

3 May

I had skipped three days in a row to mark ‘my table’ so far in which I didn’t recognized any intentions to be understood by me to have well ‘have done’. Grammatic rules and near of it was my first enemy to start to write a post, and all the time I had thoughts that I have poor vocabulary to write anything in the English language, and one of the folks sent me a link about ‘Stop Learning Korean language‘ as well, I read the post, there was a blog and I thought: ‘ – Suck of it’, I’ll continue my learning process at all events, but I guess this is my current ‘low weeks’ I mean the time where I can’t be productive, it’s like I’m charging my battery and of course this fact either very infcluenced on my behavior nor in style for doing something useful: big deal – zero results. Talker, not maker.

Fail early, fail often

And I have to confess: before I had ‘copy and paste‘ some sentences, I mean structure of sentences to describe my feelings, and if you guys we’ll notice something more smart than I could be, you’ll find these sentences at here: Crookedtimber. I forgot almost all in order to write such an excellent posts, how to say it, I’m loosing my sense of English language, there was a time when I was in, in stream of English language’s unconsciousness (is that correctly typed?) Everything changed when my aunt asked me: ” – Is this yours? Are writing all this stuff? Excellent!” And I said, yes, it’s all me and to be honest that is not so big deal, it’s just happening, but 70% of words and phrases wasn’t and isn’t mine at all, and after this conversaion my liar head started to killing my responsibilty and I was feeling bad reaction by me that I’m lying to draw just image, suck! this image I was saying all the time before, and made some confessions on my Russian blog, so this game is start, the battly between real-Albert and just image of Albert, who will win? We’ll see, the future is long!

 

I have to make a voluntary confession because the future is long.

28 Apr

This, I suppose, is the actual problem: I feel my existence is an imposition on the planet. . . . Normally, I just sit in my quiet little room and do the small things that bring me pleasures. I read my books, I answer email, I write a little bit. Writing is the only thing that have chance to kill this ‘boringness’ I don’t know by what, I guess all this about ‘existence’ at whole.

True Confession

True Confession (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t want to be in this world. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be me. I want to live an ethical life, but I’m neutral about how I should do that. I’m constantly trying to figure out how to be more effective and what I should be working on it. I want to have ‘this’ willingness to change my mind completely. If you can do anything you want, then every day becomes an existential problem—an empty space of possibility that has no ceiling but also no walls and no floor. All of these things are bad, but we can work on making something better.

To think continuously about changing the world is to spend your life looking at what is bad in it. To be attached to the world is to be attached to the world as it is, and not for any reason, because reasons can always be countered. To consider the world from first principles, to think about how well it would work if everything were different, is to be ready to throw away everything you know. Radical idealism and a sense of limitless possibility are the brighter facets of absolute rejection. We can fight back.

I guess I’m happy if I have sush a sort of feelings and thoughts. Definitely and obviously, I’m happy man that couldn’t yet understand it at heart, but as I’m saying all the time the words of Steve Jobs at D8 Conference, ‘We’ll see, the future is long’.